Love.

There's a song by Natasha Bedingfield that says " Someone just tell me that its ok now. What are you worrying about? Got my dreams, got my life, got my love, got my friends, got the sunshine above, why am I making this hard on myself when there are so many reasons to be happy."

I find myself so many times being thrown back into reality, and reminded that life is a learning curve. If we were suppose to have all the answers, we would have been handed a manual. That there are so many things in life to be happy, and thankful, and feel blessed.

Bonnie and I hang out once a week; and during that time, when I look at her boys, I think to myself "this is what life is about." Taking time out of busy schedules, bad moods, hectic times to come back, and be home. To watch two 4.5 month old boys figure out the essence of life. To watch them sit on your lap, and be so innocent, and laugh at everything you do, even if its the simplest thing ever. To watch them look at Bryan and Bonnie, and know that they are their parents. To see that when I walk into that house, they look at me, and get the biggest smiles on their faces. To watch everyones face light up when those two boys are in the room. I'm reminded every week I go there; that it's not about finishing the race first, or making the most money, or having the biggest house, or best job. It's about love. It's about family. It's about spending time. So simple, yet so rewarding. Yet why do we spend so much time worrying about everything else in life? Why is it that I concern myself so much about things like money, and jobs? Don't get me wrong, that's important. But so many of us have our priorities so messed up. We live day to day, just to get through one day, and get to the next. Instead of cherishing moments that fly by so fast. Where's the fire? When did we lose track of what made us happy, and filled our hearts? If home is where the heart is, then why do so many of us spend so much time away from it? Why do I wake up with a bad attitude? Why do I constantly complain about things in my life, instead of being thankful? How can something so simple, fill me so much? Is that the essence of love? How can two little boys teach me so much about life? About love? About what it truly means to treasure each moment?

Love. A word so powerful, it can bring a Nation to it's knees. Tears to a grown mans face. Healing to a broke heart. Forgiveness to the unforgivable. A smile on a strangers face.


1 Corinthians 13

Love Is the Greatest

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

Second Chances

This is one of the hardest parts for me.. Where do I start with so much information, and so many thoughts that I have in my head. So much change in just one day, how do I put that all in this little space? Here is where my heart is.... AHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT DO I DO?!?! Shall I explain a little more?

My biological Father has come back into my life... I think. I got a random message from him on Facebook the other day, and then we started to talk. Which if you know me, you know this is a big deal. There is more to the story than I am going to say. He wants to be back in my life, and wants to have a relationship with me. My head is saying " No Skye, he has hurt you too much, and you will just get hurt again if you go into this." But my heart is yearning for a relationship with him. And then I am struggling with the feelings that I don't want to replace my step Father who has, for the past 14 years been the most amazing Dad to me. He has asked for me to forgive him, and to start over... How do I do that? How do I take all the hurt, and pain, and tears from the past 22 years, and forgive a man who, in some peoples eyes doesn't deserve a second chance to be a Father. I made a decision yesterday after talking to him, that I was going to make him suffer in a way to gain a relationship with me. He was going to have to gain my trust, and jump threw hoops to have a relationship with me. And that was final. Until I was standing in the shower thinking about this intense totally random conversation with my Father. And I thought to myself, sure that's a great way to start, he deserves to go through some pain for all the pain he caused me; and then I thought, is that what God wants me to do? Is that the essence of forgiveness? Does forgiveness means that you hang the wrong doing over that persons head, until they have jumped through enough hoops for you to be satisfied? Does it mean that you make them pay for doing wrong towards you? When God forgives us, is it conditional? 

Psalms 103:2-5 " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

The Bible tells us to forgive like God forgives us. It also says to TRUST in the Lord with all your heart mind and strength.  I have been praying for healing in regards to my Father. And then when the opportunity is dropped in my lap, I feel like dropping it, and running for the hills. How do we have a right to decide who we can forgive, and who we can shun for the rest of our lives? How can we say " God teach me how to be merciful, and forgive, and slow to anger like you" And yet when he gives us a chance, we laugh and say yeah right I'm not doing that! How can I sit here, type these words, and believe that this happening in my life is from God, and yet be terrified to forgive? How can I reserve the right to decide what my heart needs, and what it doesn't, when God knows me better than I know my self? 

Does everyone deserve a second chance? Do we deserve a second chance after we have screwed up? Does someone deserve a second chance at love? Does a criminal deserve a second chance at life? Does a Father deserve a second shot at loving a daughter? The world says no, what does God say?

Grateful

I feel like when I write these blogs, that they have to be inspiring, or that i need a couple days to think about what I will write about before posting... But these truly are my thoughts, my heart, my vulnerability laid out for everyone to see... Is that the purpose of these things? To write what you truly believe and truly feel, without having to face the world? To just simply type letters on a keyboard, and click the "publish post" button, and BAM everyone can read, and you can be honest without having to go through anything, without having to actually deal with life.. Have we taken for granted the ability for a friend to be there for us? I have. I constantly find myself, saying " Oh I don't want to be a burden on you" or " Well I don't want to intrude". Can we not take what people say for what they really mean? I can't. I find myself, constantly trying to reassure myself that my friends are my friends because they love me. Not because I do things for them. Or not because I give them gifts. No, they are my friends because they love who I am. Then why all the insecurity? Why do I constantly take things/people in my life for granted? 

Life is a gift, and a blessing. But how often do we stop and think about how blessed we are for the things in our lives? We constantly are running around needing to get things done, and things accomplished to feel gratification. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we all need to sit inside our houses and dwell on the good things in our lives. Things do need to get done, and erands do need to be run. What I am saying however is how many days do you find yourself rushing around with a chicken with your head cut off not leaving enough time to enjoy life for what it is? I know I do. Please understand my heart in this situation. I am not bashing people who have busy lives, because mine is busy as well. I am just as much guilty of this as anyone else is. It blows my mind how much stuff my generation takes for granted. The love of a family member, the faithfulness of a spouse, the heart of a friend who just wants to see you happy and succeed. All we want is the newest gadget, or the fastest car, the highest rate of pay at our job. It humbles me every week, when I come hang out with two friends who could care less about the things of this world. But who live for God, one another, and their children. Sure there are things in between that fill the gaps, but those three are the most important. That truly is the most important things in life. People got by for hundreds of years without cell phones, or computers, or tv's, but simply by the company of a neighbour, or friend. Why has our generation clouded so much of what's important, with so much garbage?

Life really truly is a blessed gift, yet most of us chose to live it like it's a burden on our shoulders, that we have to get through... (me included)

 

Life...

I am surrounded by wonderful family, amazingly friends, and great opportunity. I have had a good life. A good upbringing, and great parents. Yet I feel like something is missing. Like I'm not capturing all the opportunities that I'm suppose to be. I feel like I'm just existing... Not really living. Sometimes I lay in bed just before I go to sleep, and I have a rush of all these great ideas, and great things I want to do with my life, and then I wake up, and they are all gone, and the modivation do them is gone as well.

I spent a wonderful day today with 2 of my best friends, who really challenge me everytime I see them. Who really make me think about things in my life, and the way I am living it. I appreciate that about them. I appreciate that I know whenever I see them I can ask them anything and get their honest opinion, and have great conversation about real things in life. Not about the weather, or the canucks, or about how cute their babies are... But about LIFE. Real, sometimes hard, often frusterating, but always rewarding life. The ability to learn from people in your life is so incredible, yet most of us miss it, or take it for granted. We seek the opinion, or counsel or someone on TV, some big TV star, or some magazine that claims to know the answers to all of life's questions. Why search so high and low, and get answers from someone who doesn't know you, or know how to support you? Why do we, as a generation need so badly to be comforted with image? To make sure that we look good, have the latest style, or name brands, and the right music in our car? Why can we not just accept, and embrass who were created to be?

I don't claim to know all the answers, and I struggle with many of these things myself. And to be honest, I'm sick of it. I hate living in a world that says you need to be a certain weight, or look a certain way, or even talk a certain way. And yet, knowing what I know about God's grace, and goodness, I still struggle with the worldly views. UGH!!