Heart Of Worship

I have been reading the book "Captivated" by Stasi Eldredge. If you haven't read it, you should pick up a copy. It has come to my realization through reading this book that, there are a lot of things wrong in my life. I could have told you that without reading the book, but the book has just emphasized it. I have been focusing so much of my energy lately on the things that are going wrong in my life. My job, my finances, my relationship with God. Anything and everything that one could worry about, I'm doing. And yet, I wonder why nothing is going right in my life. How it seems like nothing can line up, and work out the way its suppose to. Then I read this line in the book today... "Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. " (Hos. 2:6-7) So in other words, God will thrawt our efforts to find life apart from him. Wow. Simple, yet it still floors me. I have often struggled with thoughts like, I can do this on my own. Sure it's great to have God in my life, but I am an adult, I should be able to make things happen on my own. And yet, I always longed for a deeper, intimate relationship with God. 

We continually ask God to be our provider, and help us through situations, and yet, when things worked out the way we had been praying they will, we are in shock. " I can't believe that we found a house that we wanted, with everything for so cheap!" Or " I found the greatest car" etc etc. And yet, I sit here writing this wondering, why is nothing going the right way in my life! Why can I not find a  job, or why has my WCB not kicked in? Why am I continually every month faced with a dead line of finances, and unable to meet it? I want more than anything to rely on God to be my provider, and yet, I have the hardest time believing that things will work out the way they should. Even though there are so many testiments in my life about how the Lord has brought favour to my life... Oh yeh of little faith...

Oh Lord, guide my footsteps!!