Understanding The Heart

There are many things in life that I do not understand. I don't understand love. I don't understand the friends I have in my life. I don't understand math. I don't understand why I can never seem to get my act together, and be disceplined in my life. And I don't understand the yearnings (sp?) in my heart. There are so many things that my heart desires. To be the best possible daughter, friend, and listener. To one day stand before my friends and family, and get married. To have children of my own. To feel amazing about my self. And to be the person that God created me to be. Lots of other things as well.

I didn't understand why I had all these things inside of me. Why I had the unique name out of all my friends in school. Why I was abnormally tall. Why I was so good at sports. Or why, for some reason, everyone remembers me. I always thought that I was crazy for wanting some of those things. That some of them would never happen. And I realized that those things are there for a reason. They were put there by God. The craziest part is that they are promises from God. Promises to be great. Great in the things that He has given me. And that I am destined for. The heart is a crazy thing. Not many of us sit to pay attention to it. A fragile, delicate part of us. That has the ability to show people amazing things. And the ability to be crushed, so easily. Our heart is truly how we communicate. If we have a stone cold heart, than we, ourselves are cold, with no love. I communicate with people in my life based on the love I have for them in my heart. At the same time, the power the heart holds is incredible. Jesus said " I stand at the door and knock". The door of our heart. We have the power to open that door. We have the power to show people love, to bless them, to speak words of affirmation. Everyones heart is different, and yet, we were created for the same purpose. Love.

Read 1 Corinthians 13. Don't just read it. Absorb it into your soul. Into your heart. We were put on this earth to love (among other things.) Our greatest gift is love. " All for love a Father gave, for only love can make a way. All for love the heavens cried, for love was crucified."

Alive In This Moment

This evening, I discovered my old cd's. The cd's that my friends and I used to cruise around listening to in my car. Many many songs that bring back memories. Everything from Hillsongs, to Raze. Memories flooded my mind, tears filled my eyes. Many songs which I have shared with friends. Dear friends. Friends that sat in my car, and cried with me. Friends that rolled down the windows, turn up the volume, and sang along. And friends that sat in silence with me, as we let the Lord touch our hearts with these songs. There are several songs that play now, and my mind rushes back to the time and place that I have shared them with. Summers where, for all of it, we played the same cd over, and over again. And everytime we did, it touched us in a new way. And songs, that simply just bring tears to my eyes from the beautiful words. The true words. The words that, at that moment, seem to match up so well to my situation. Tonight, I discovered. Tonight, I remembered. Tonight, I cried. Not for my friends, but for my heart. My heart that for so long was struggling with issues. My heart, that was scared to get hurt. That didn't want to seem vulnerable, allowing myself to be open, and honest with my friends, and myself. My heart that for so long wouldn't let things goes. Wouldn't let people in. Wouldn't let one particular individual in. Tonight, I let Him in. I wasn't planning it. All I wanted to do was reload my iTunes with Christian music. To get my phone charged, and put the songs onto my phone. I don't know what the tears mean. I don't know why they fall down my face. I don't understand. I just know that I feel release. From something that I didn't even know was there.

"Once again, for the very first time, my eyes are opening." In this moment, I am found, I am alive, and I belong.

This is the song that I re-discovered. Read the lines. But not the sake of reading them. Let them captivate you.

Alive In This Moment- Starfield

It's been so long since I have met You here
Since I have said these words or cried these tears
And like a child would come I run into our secret place
And as the music fades, the tears are rolling down my face

I am alive in this moment
In this moment I am found
I am alive in this moment
In this moment I belong

It's been so long since I have met You here
Since I have heard You speak or let You near
And like a wayward son I've come with nothing left to hide
Here in this moment I have come to offer up my life

Here only one fire burns, it burns
Here only one melody is heard
Once again for the very first time
My eyes are opening

He Is Always Faithful

I had one of those "Ah ha!" moments today. One that I should have already had, and one that should not have been such a shocker to me! God is ALWAYS faithful. Sit, think, ponder. Cause really a lot of us will say " yeah, I totally knew that!" But take an extra minute, and think about what that really means. I looked up the word "Faithful" in the dictionary, to get a better grasp of things.

1. Strict or thorough in the performance of ones duty.
2. True to one's word, promises, vows
3. Steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant
4. Reliable, trusted, or beloved
5. Adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original

Here is the part that grabs me the most about these. All 5 of these explinations are God. This was dictionary.com that I found this. I didn't look it up in a bible reference, or anything to do with one.

A very close friend of mine (and many of you) is getting married on Saturday. She has been waiting her entire life for this moment. To walk down the isle, to a man that loves her unconditionally, with no boundaries. For who she is, what she represents, and her heart. She has faithfully been seeking God. She has faithfully been praying about marriage. And in everything she does, she believes that the Lord will come through. And in return He is faithful to her. Why do I say this? Simple, because no matter what God is faithful. Even if it takes years and years, He, will come through for us. He is true to his word. He will be faithful to be, and you, and her on Saturday. Faithfulness is wrapped up in Love. Because He loves us, He is faithful. Because I love my friends, I am faithful to them. Because I love my family, I am faithful to them.

Funny things

Often time I sit and think about life. Of course since I'm so old, and have much to think about! Life is an interesting thing. An adventure, a learning curve, an amazing story. This week I have been thinking a lot about God. About teachings, about praying, about trusting, about healing, and about love. I think about the fact that I have been not working for almost 2 months now. I think God is telling me to find another place of employment, bringing things up for me to do. And then I sit back and think, what if I am totally miss interpretting what God is saying. What if I am totally making things up in my head that sound good? What if I was suppose to return to work 6 weeks ago? What if? Which then brings me to the thoughts like, you need to trust God Skye. You need to realize that He is your provider. You need to remember everything you have learned in Church, Interns, life, circumstances, and from friends. And yet, I find myself still struggling SO much trying to trust God to be my provider. To understand that He will bring good things. And yet, I decide to continually run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure life out. On my own.

I have a 3.5 month of kitten. Her name is Bella. She is my baby. I love her with all my heart, and appreciate her unconditional love. Bella has finally discovered that there are hamsters sitting on our window ledge in the living room. But she isn't wanting to play with them, or eat them. She wants to sit up there beside them, and watch the world from up there. This is not the way it works in my house. If she is up there, she gets a smack. Two days ago, I discovered her amazing ability to jump from the ground to the window ledge. Which is a good 5 feet in the air. So, I took her down, used my angry voice, and smacked her on the bum. Twice. And said "No Bella, bad girl" So she coward away, and was very distraught with life. Later she came up to me, her normal loving self, cuddled with me while I watched tv. Later that night I am lying in bed reading, when I hear a pecular sound from the living room. Something that sounds like a kitten jumping up, and hitting the blinds. I storm out to the living room, she stares at me, and knows what is coming. Instead of running away, she hides her face in her paws and sits there. So the same routine goes down. I take her down, and smack her bum. Twice. This happens again the next day. Except she is getting a little smarter. She understands that if she jumps up there, and then sees me coming towards her, bad things will happen. So she will run around the house away from me. And away from the smack she is going to get for disobeying me. This morning I woke up with Bella by myside sleeping peacefully on the pillow beside me. And I realized something. I am like Bella. Things happen in my life, I suffer the consequences, and I still go back. Fully aware of what will happen with that choice. And yet, somehow I think I can outrun it. It's amazing how many times I try and outrun God. How many times I know that I shouldn't have done something. Why is it like that? Why do I run from the one person that wants to help me through life? Trust in the Lord with all your mind, soul, and strength. Isn't that what the Bible says? Here's the catch 22. I KNOW what God can do for you if you trust him. I KNOW what happens when you rely on Him for your finances. I KNOW all this. And yet, I still try and figure it out on my own, and run away when He comes around to help.