Funny things

Often time I sit and think about life. Of course since I'm so old, and have much to think about! Life is an interesting thing. An adventure, a learning curve, an amazing story. This week I have been thinking a lot about God. About teachings, about praying, about trusting, about healing, and about love. I think about the fact that I have been not working for almost 2 months now. I think God is telling me to find another place of employment, bringing things up for me to do. And then I sit back and think, what if I am totally miss interpretting what God is saying. What if I am totally making things up in my head that sound good? What if I was suppose to return to work 6 weeks ago? What if? Which then brings me to the thoughts like, you need to trust God Skye. You need to realize that He is your provider. You need to remember everything you have learned in Church, Interns, life, circumstances, and from friends. And yet, I find myself still struggling SO much trying to trust God to be my provider. To understand that He will bring good things. And yet, I decide to continually run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure life out. On my own.

I have a 3.5 month of kitten. Her name is Bella. She is my baby. I love her with all my heart, and appreciate her unconditional love. Bella has finally discovered that there are hamsters sitting on our window ledge in the living room. But she isn't wanting to play with them, or eat them. She wants to sit up there beside them, and watch the world from up there. This is not the way it works in my house. If she is up there, she gets a smack. Two days ago, I discovered her amazing ability to jump from the ground to the window ledge. Which is a good 5 feet in the air. So, I took her down, used my angry voice, and smacked her on the bum. Twice. And said "No Bella, bad girl" So she coward away, and was very distraught with life. Later she came up to me, her normal loving self, cuddled with me while I watched tv. Later that night I am lying in bed reading, when I hear a pecular sound from the living room. Something that sounds like a kitten jumping up, and hitting the blinds. I storm out to the living room, she stares at me, and knows what is coming. Instead of running away, she hides her face in her paws and sits there. So the same routine goes down. I take her down, and smack her bum. Twice. This happens again the next day. Except she is getting a little smarter. She understands that if she jumps up there, and then sees me coming towards her, bad things will happen. So she will run around the house away from me. And away from the smack she is going to get for disobeying me. This morning I woke up with Bella by myside sleeping peacefully on the pillow beside me. And I realized something. I am like Bella. Things happen in my life, I suffer the consequences, and I still go back. Fully aware of what will happen with that choice. And yet, somehow I think I can outrun it. It's amazing how many times I try and outrun God. How many times I know that I shouldn't have done something. Why is it like that? Why do I run from the one person that wants to help me through life? Trust in the Lord with all your mind, soul, and strength. Isn't that what the Bible says? Here's the catch 22. I KNOW what God can do for you if you trust him. I KNOW what happens when you rely on Him for your finances. I KNOW all this. And yet, I still try and figure it out on my own, and run away when He comes around to help.