Dreaming With God

"I have a dream"... Famous words from a famous person. But this time, the words are coming from my mouth. I have a dream deep in my heart that has been there for years. I love this dream. And I want, more than anything, for it to come true. There's just one thing, God has told me to lay down this dream. To sacrifice it, and give it back to Him. It brings frusteration, tears, hurt, confusion, and questions. Frusteration because I don't want to give it up. Tears and hurt because I have had it for years. Confusion because I think God why did you give me this dream if you were going to ask me to lay it down? I know that God is faithful, and I know that He doesn't give things to us that we can't handle. Yet I find myself battling with my flesh everyday. And everyday I need to kill my flesh and tell myself that it is worth it. It's worth listening to the voice of God, and obeying His word, than to live a life of darkness alone. We are starting on week 4 of Interns, and I already feel like I have been through a war. This year our theme is "Dreaming With God." No coinsidence that I have been called into this year. Because I will lay this dream down, and either pick it up later, or find a new dream. I'm excited for the things to come, and I'm excited to walk with God through this process! As I travel the road to the next battle, the Lord is holding my hand and I know His faithfulness. And I know His love.

More Reasons To Trust

So, just finished the first week of Interns. And, well, it was, interesting. I don't say that to mean that the class sucks, or anything like that. It just hasn't hit home yet I don't think. I am amazed at these " kids" eager approach to this program. I am finding more and more reasons to lay down my life at the feet of God, and turn around and walk away. This week hasn't been easy for me if I'm being honest. It was one of those weeks where it was awesome, awesome, awesome and then it crashed down infront of me. And as always, I found myself questioning God. And asking "why". Why when you told me to do interns is this happening to me? Why does it feel like I can't get my head above water? And yet through it all, I hear God say, " just trust me." We had a teacher this week say to us, "the Holy Spirit won't take you along for the ride just to dump you off at the end of it." As I sat in the class room, I could feel my flesh rising up and trying to get into my head, and put doubt in. And put guilt in, and frusteration. I can say that I am frusterated with God. But simply because I feel like I am going around in a circle with this particular subject. And yet, every place in the Bible it says that we are to trust God, through it all. So today I made a decision... I no matter what the circumstance will trust the Lord. No matter what. I will CHOOSE to kill my flesh daily and trust. Trust in an unseen God. Trust in the One who has never let me down, and never forgotten about me.